An Ode to a Bastard

Most people have that one person who wormed into their heart despite how many warnings we received along the way. My ex-boyfriend is that one person who no matter how much I try and forget him, thoughts of him keep trickling in. He was bad enough that his name is no longer spoken in my house; if we refer to him at all he's referred to as "Voldemort". A manipulator and a mentally abuse jerk, he still haunts me. This post is my way of exercising his ghost from my life.

"He-who-must-not-be-named" manipulates the lives of everyone around him to suit his purpose. Sounds about right.

All charm and positive energy, he made sure that I only knew as much about him as he wanted me to know. I'm good enough at reading people that I saw bits and pieces of the skewed being behind the mask. Yet I stayed, addicted to the fun, adventure, and danger. I was told that I could do better, deserved better, and should cut and run. But he made me feel safe from all the other drama that surrounded him.

Biggest lie ever told: "I hate drama but it just seems to follow me!" Hmmmm...

Eventually, as these things always do, the relationship ran it's course. He turned out to be a liar and a thief and no one was all that surprised. He burned all his bridges and tried to pretend like we had this amazing love, when all we really had was a great mess. I feel guilty sometimes about the crap he ended up taking from me and those who care for me. But before these feelings get too far, I start sharing all the stories and tales he told to me over the years with the people around me. And then someone I know will tell me "Oh really, he said the exact opposite to me!" I had seen him manipulate everyone else around him and for some reason thought I was immune. It's only recently that I've started to see that I was deluded as everyone else around me and that he had played me for a fool.

 

It's easy to get caught in a web of lies.

I write this in hope that someone who is holding onto their lemon of relationship will free themselves. Maybe I'm just bitter but I believe if there is something wrong with how they are treating those around you, they are doing the same to you. This is for all those people who hold on to a bad relationship out of fear of not having someone; there are so many better matches for you waiting out there. I'm not saying that if things get difficult you should always give up. I'm saying that when you know things are going downhill and you stick with it anyway you're in for a whole lot of heartache.

Something I wish I'd thought of.

To Voldemort: the mask has slipped, your web of lies is crumbling, and you're left with only yourself, a manipulative petty queen. I still love you, no matter how much I also hate you. You've hurt me too bad to ever be part of my life again but I still wish you well. I just hope you're kinder to your next victim.

Sincerely,
Turtle