“Don’t call me Lord Snow.”
The dwarf lifted an eyebrow. “Would you rather be called the Imp? Let them see that their words can cut you and you’ll never be free of the mockery. If they want to give you a name take it make it your own. Then they can’t hurt you with it anymore.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
There is something powerful about taking a word for your own. Once you've found that part of yourself that redeems the words, they no longer carry a sting.
1. Cripple
I am a paraplegic. I may be walking now, but it's always with a limp and there's a good chance I'll never run. I shied around using the word cripple for a long time, out of my denial of my own situation. It was a long time until I could relate to the word without agonizing over my own situation. It wasn't until a group of my friends (who have helped push me farther than anyone else toward walking again) spent an evening making cripple jokes that I really moved toward acceptance. The favorite of the evening: "That deserves a standing ovation...heh." When it started I was hurt but I laughed along, but inside I felt slightly wounded. It was only after awhile of this that I realized they were trying to show me that they didn't care about what had happened to me, they were just trying to make light of a crappy situation. They carried on so long, even the half funny jokes lost their edge.
After that night I started to feel comfortable making jokes about myself. I'd randomly throw in #crippleproblems into social media and start the jokes instead of just blankly laughing along. I realized, yeah my spine may be broken but my sense of self was not.
I like to give a friendly warning to new boyfriends of my close friends, reminding them that they had friends who cared about this person. After I took hold of the word, these warnings sounded a little like this: "If you ever hurt her, you will have one angry cripple on your hands."
2. Faggot
Like a lot of gay kids growing up, I lived in fear of this word. Fear that it really did describe me, fear that I was doomed to be attached to a hated label, that I was doomed to a life of torment. I did have some bullying growing up but not as bad as some; enough to keep me in the closet until I was almost 20.
This word has a lot of hate behind it but finally finding a gay community that accepted me helped me deal with this fear. I realized that people used the word out of their own fear: fear of things that they didn't know or didn't understand.
I'm gay and if you want to call me a fag, just realize you're going to get the response "yeah, I am a fag. So what?"
3. Slut
To be fair I can't count the people I've dated on two hands, so this word doesn't get used a lot. But it's one that I feel is unfair. We live in an age where half the people you know have banged the other half. With dating/hookup apps available to anyone with a smartphone or computer, it's surprising we're still dealing with this.
The irony is strong in this one.
Call it what you want, if we give in at all, be it through marriage, dating, or hooking up, we are all giving in to our baser needs. We are all sluts. So the next time you feel like calling someone that, take a good look in the mirror. You may be surprised by what you see.
4. Nerd
This one I have owned longer than any of the others. It meant I was succeeding, where so many others didn't even try. It meant I was intelligent, random, and eclectic. I love to read, to learn new things, to study science, and the way our bodies work. I love to understand the universe.
I am proud to be a nerd. That doesn't mean it didn't hurt being called that as a kid. It's after years of soul searching that I've really seen how being a nerd has helped me in so many ways. We now live in a digital age where nerds are celebrated! So whatever it is that makes you weird, celebrate it!
So which of these words do you find offensive and which do you own? What words should be added to the list? Comment below or leave a comment on my facebook page.
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