This is an offshoot of my main blog The Turtle Walks,
where I document my recovery from paralyzed to limping around with a
cane. If you liked the posts about dancing and going to the clubs you'll
LOVE this one. If not don't waste your time because this is more of
that. But if you do, hit the like button ====>
So what's it like to be a disabled gay man? Here's an sample from when I first came out of the closet.
This is my way of coming out to those I know. Many of you already knew,
heard rumors, heard through facebook, but now here it is from the
horse's mouth. I am gay.
Big woop, now on to the important stuff.
Even before the accident I felt
like an outsider looking in. I tried my entire life not to be noticed,
to fit in, to be somewhere in the middle of everyone. So much so that
life took me completely by surprise when I suddenly became the focus of
everyone's attention. After a lifetime of trying to blend in this was
hell.
A friend of mine I met in rehab was in a chair and
thankfully went on to get full use of his legs back. He told me that he
was looked at differently in each stage of his recovery. Before he was
unnoticed. While he was in the chair he was looked at with pity, looked
down upon. When he moved on to the leg brace he was looked at with
sympathy but with less judgment that he was helpless.
It still
drives me nuts sometimes how I'm never out of people's attention, my own
mini spotlight. When I'm not in my chair I'm using my leg brace which
makes a loudish groaning noise every step. Kids stare especially, since
they haven't learned society's way of staring, averting eyes, stare,
avert eyes... it's more direct and allows me to address the issue much
more easily. Sometimes I just want to want to scream to scream at people
"yes I'm in a chair/using a leg brace. Take a picture it'll last
longer." But I was raised to be polite so I try and be nice. As I was
coming out of the locker room today in my wheelchair going to the pool, a
little kid asked me "why are you in a wheelchair?" within 2 seconds of
seeing me. This way I can at least get the issue off the table
immediately and don't have to worry about the pressure to be awkwardly
polite.
I feel I have an obligation, to myself and to those
around me. I secretly wished someone out there would out me, force me to
be honest with myself and those around me. But I have to take on some
courage and do this myself. Since I'm in the spotlight already, I can
show people that it's okay to be different, it's okay to walk in the
light. I was terrified that I would have to stand up and be honest but
now people can know that there is life after an accident, life after the
closet. Now the statistic I've heard so often stated is that 1 in 10
men are gay. Now if that is true there are more people in the closet
than most people can imagine; they should have someone to look out to
and see a world where it is okay to be different.
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